If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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