saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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