how can u be prego again
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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