I could have mohawked her pubes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
