i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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