Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
