the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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