i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i drank out of a bidet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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