ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
