what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
