Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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