I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
