Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
