sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
