Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
