I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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