i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
