i was born a porn star she said
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
