another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
