Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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