Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize