i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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