Where did you get a picture of my penis
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
