Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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