The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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