But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
