if i can run in heels then i can drive
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
