I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
