I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ttyl tear gas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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