I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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