AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
