So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize