she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
