I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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