I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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