Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize