Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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