im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
