Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
