Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
