I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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