Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
