you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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