So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
