its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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