im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
