saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
