what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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