I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
