I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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