you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
