what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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