he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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