Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
