I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
