At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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