Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have already put on my inside pants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
