i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
