I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
