We won't sleep together?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
