i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Boobs speak an international language.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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