CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
